Recipe Fails of 2014
This is where I show you how bad I sucked this year. Under normal circumstances I would have just cried, ate a few cookies, and destroyed all evidence of my failures, but after seeing a collection of Erica’s mishaps last year I thought it would be fun to save the pictures and put together a similar post.
The sad thing is, this isn’t even the half of it. These are just the recipes that I actually got around to taking pictures of. There were many, MANY more undocumented failures which I am happy not to have to see ever again.
So for the sake of your amusement, let’s take a look at where I went wrong in 2014…
Starting off gentle with a minor fail, this was grain-free cauliflower fried rice that almost made the cut. It looked okay and tasted okay, but the amount of work (and eggs) that went into making a decent size serving wasn’t worth the trouble. It was unsatisfying and all I could think about while eating it was how much better it would be with rice.
Vegan and gluten-free chickpea flour pizza crust that tasted like a thin piece of dense cardboard. Mmmmm….
These were supposed to be Paleo brownies but they were more like Paleo mush. I can’t even remember what I tried making them from. I think it involved coconut flour? And a coconut milk glaze? I don’t know. They were horrendous.
Ahhh, yes. Good memories. These were gluten-free and vegan blueberry muffins that were made from homemade buckwheat flour. However, as it turns out, there are two different kinds of buckwheat groats which you can grind into a flour.
Raw buckwheat which is the one on the left or roasted buckwheat, also known as kasha, on the right.
Well I don’t know why anyone on the face of the planet would want roasted buckwheat groats because they taste like battery acid. But of course I didn’t realize that until I took a bite of the most disgusting blueberry muffin I’ve ever had in my entire life. And I did try again with raw buckwheat flour which tasted MUCH better but unfortunately they still weren’t shareable.
This was actually a honeymoon-inspired recipe. Maui has some of the best banana bread I’ve ever had and I thought I would create a white chocolate macadamia nut version that was refined sugar-free and gluten-free. Now that I think about it, it’s kind of dumb to put white chocolate in a refined sugar-free recipe.
It doesn’t matter though because the texture was gummy and gross. Like it stuck to your throat so bad after you swallowed it that you had to drink 2 glasses of water just to get it to move.
Awww, that was guava jelly that I picked up at a local farm stand on Maui! It was so good that I want to go back just to get another jar. #andforeverythingelse
I had the bright idea to make peanut butter and jelly energy bites using that delicious jelly but it turned out to be more like a sticky peanut and jelly mess. And even though it wasn’t in the shape of bite-size balls, I gladly ate that sticky mess from the container with a spoon. :)
I had high hopes for this one. It was for the Fourth of July. A red white and blue vanilla quinoa cake. Somehow the berries managed to lose all of their flavor in the cooking process and then all of their juices made the cake soggy. It was a major D-U-D.
Okay, so I’ve been making baked veggie kabobs with this faux chicken for years and I thought I would try a “less processed” version with marinated tempeh instead of faux meat. Unfortunately the marinade couldn’t mask the strong fermented flavor of the tempeh. Meh.
This looks good, doesn’t it? Well it wasn’t. It was a Mexican pizza with a polenta crust and I thought for sure it would be a winner but the crust was soft and, well, not crusty. It wasn’t worth making again.
That is healthy peach cobbler that actually doesn’t look that awful but that’s because you can’t see the soggy flavorless crust that’s grey underneath. Why it turned grey, I have no idea, but I’m guessing there’s a chemistry lesson somewhere in that mushy disgusting mess.
2014 was the year of crappy almond butter. I tried it three times and the texture was always gritty and it took FOR-EV-ER to make. My third attempt was a vanilla version that was supposed to be naturally sweetened with dates. Yeah, bad idea. Gritty almond butter became sticky almond-date paste.
These are pumpkin bars made with a filling of pumpkin puree and coconut milk and a crust of maple syrup, coconut oil, oats and pecans. The filling wasn’t bad but the crust was like taking a bite of solidified coconut oil straight from the jar. Barf.
My first attempt at making a vegan cheese sauce was for this Broccoli Cheddar and Farro Casserole and it actually turned out to be quite tasty. I used raw cashews and nutritional yeast and the flavor was pretty good. But when we went to reheat the leftovers, the texture became thick and lumpy. I couldn’t post a recipe for a big ol’ casserole and not have the leftovers be edible. Into the fail pile it went!
Here I was trying to recreate parsnip carrot fritters that I had at Whole Foods. I must have missed an important ingredient because they turned out to be boring and bland. Meh.
Last but not least, soft molasses ginger cookies (that were vegan, gluten-free and refined sugar-free). This was my third batch and they came so close. The flavor awesome but the texture was more like cake than cookies. And the inside was kind of dry. I ran out of time to perfect the recipe but I saved it to revisit and hopefully master next year.
It’s crazy how many there were but even though it hurts to not have things turn out as planned, there’s always something to be learned from the process. Here’s hoping the lessons stick with me for next year!
Okay, so now you tell me, what were your biggest failures or challenges this year?
lol, this cracks me up. At least everything looks delicious! I tried making cauliflower fried rice too and it took FOREVER. I should have quadrupled the batch looking back.
These are too funny! This is also a huge reason why I rarely come up with stuff “from scratch.” Even when I follow a set recipe there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll mess it up!
I don’t have a food blog, but these types of posts always make me feel better about when I have kitchen fails. If the pros sometimes mess up, dinner is no big deal! :)
Thanks Allie! I’m no pro so I’m sure I’ll have more fails next year. :)
honesty – I appreciate you! It’s so often that you only hear about the good stuff and then you can’t help but wonder why your culinary forays seem to fail. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not taking crazy pills :)
LOL – I’m dying over here. At least all of your photos are super pretty! I love the look of the 4th of July cake… too bad it turned out to be a dud!
I love this post! It makes me feel a lot better about some of the duds I have had! ;) If it makes you feel any better, everything LOOKS so good! ;)
Hi Sarah! The stories behind these are so funny, because generally, the pictures look awesome. I haven’t been super adventurous in the kitchen, so no major fails there. I hope to have more in 2015, because I plan to do a lot more cooking!
These are hilarious! And the sad thing is, these are probably BETTER than any win I’ve ever had in the kitchen!! You are still amazing, and I loved reading the funny stories behind each!!
Aw, you’re too sweet! I’ve seen the delicious things you make so I know that’s not true. :)
Fails? Girlllll you could have fooled me! They all look delicious :P I seriously had to laugh at this, though –> “all I could think about while eating it was how much better it would be with rice” <– because, while I've never tried cauliflower "rice" before, I can't help but think that every time I hear someone talk about it.
Yeah, it’s a pain in the butt to make for how little you get. I’ll stick with real rice for now. :)
these are some of the prettiest recipe fails i’ve seen! ;)
Thanks Hillary! :)
I had very similar experiences: a couple of gummy banana breads and a polenta pizza that wasn’t deserving the title of “pizza”. Most of my failures regard cakes and dessert. Let’s say I do not get on well with my oven :) At least you managed to shot great pictures!
Ah, yes. Desserts are the majority of my failures as well. They’re so much harder to make healthy!
Such pretty failures! I know how frustrating it can be to perfect a recipe. I’ve been trying to make cauliflower crust that doesn’t crumble for months now.
This was a very amusing post, Sarah! Despite all the failures, these photos were still very beautiful. As for your cookie disaster, I’d suggest using a combination of baking soda + baking powder. I think maybe you’d need to use a good amount of oil & syrup to get it to moisten better & maybe even some butter (vegan of course)? I don’t know, I’m terrible at cookies myself, but if they weren’t flat cookies, I can imagine there may have been too much flour.
I can’t really think of a failed recipe I made this year & I’ve made a lot! I think I just didn’t photograph them so I wouldn’t remember them hahaha. Too traumatic, but you learn from your mistakes. OH you know what, macarons. I tried to make green tea macarons, but they were a bust. So sad.
Thanks for the tips, Tiffany! I’ll keep them in mind when I revisit that recipe. And I love the idea of green tea macaroons. Keep at that one because they sound delicious!
What a genius food blogging post topic! Eeeek, doesn’t it just suck when you have such high hopes for a recipe and then it’s a total fail? Oh, I have been there many times too. And I must say, even all of these pictures look beautiful… It’s like you can’t take a bad photo lady!
This is an epic post idea!! So funny!! Sometimes I think I have waaaaay more fails than success but I’m glad I’m not alone. AND your photos still look tasty! Send your leftover fails my way. ;)
I’m so sorry about the flops, but I have to admit that some of your comments for them made me laugh. Does that count for something? I love trying new things, but it definitely hits the heart a bit when you mess it up. Especially for the wasting of ingredients. That’s where my need to make things right the first time comes into play. Looking forward to what you have in store for 2015 though because your recipe ideas are crazy creative and inspiring!
well, at least all your pictures are still beautiful!!
Thanks, Mattie!
I’m super impressed you have pictures of all these!! When recipes don’t work out for me … well, I either chuck them straight in the trash or we suffer through and eat it (while I pout and don’t even think about photos!! haha). I hope you master those molasses cookies next year! They look pretty darn tasty!
Oh believe me, there were lots that we suffered through this year. Some of these were ones that I was on the fence about, which I why took pictures, but ultimately I decided they weren’t worth posting.
Thank you SO, SO MUCH for this! Yes, it’s New Years Eve and I’m looking at kitchen failures but it’s really making me feel better… I recently started a prenatal and pediatric nutrition blog and what was supposed to be my very first recipe (sweet potato pancakes) turned out disastrous! They were more latkes than pancakes and the amount of vegetable oil that I had to use sickened me… on top of the fact that they literally fell apart in the pan and tasted like cardboard. After perusing all the amazing food blogs out there with perfect recipes and photos, I naturally felt crappy and unmotivated for the rest of the day. I’m slowly getting the hang of both recipe development and food photography but its a STEEP learning curve! Totally fun though, so it’s worth it, but I really appreciate you and Erica showing us that it’s not always sunny in the kitchen. Happy New Year!
If I hadn’t read the title of your post and just scrolled through the pictures I’d have guessed they were recipes to come. You clearly produced some very delicious-looking fails.
Too bad the Broccoli Cheddar and Farro Casserole was kind of a fail, too. Maybe that’s what I like about usually posting single-serving recipes: I don’t need to worry about them keeping their shape and texture for long, haha. Back to the casserole, though: I’d still vote for you posting the recipe. Please?!
It also looks like we both had brownie fails this year. Mine were [well, supposed to be] cashew-marbled gluten- and refined sugar-free ones and … yes, mush.