My Own Worst Enemy
I wrote this post a few days ago and was afraid to share it on here because I want my blog to be a positive place and not somewhere that I come to complain. After I came across Hillary’s post, I realized that reading about her struggles made me feel so much better about my own. To know that someone else is driving themselves crazy on the inside the same way I do was relieving.
So much of my life revolves around creating healthy meals, keeping up on the latest in nutrition and exercise, and reading other blogs, that I felt it just made sense for me to start my own. I viewed it as a fun way to connect with people who share similar passions and hoped to make some new friends from it.
I also thought it was a great way to keep family and friends back home connected to our life here in California.
Most of the other healthy living blogs I read share so many details of their everyday lives and truly open themselves up to the world. On a daily basis, I just don’t think my life just is that entertaining.
On the other hand, some bloggers are more reserved with a larger focus on food, producing creative recipes with beautiful images every other day.
I guess I’ve always envisioned myself fitting in somewhere in the middle but lately, I’ve been struggling with this.
I truly enjoy creating delicious meals and photographing them but honestly, it is a lot of work. And I am starting to pressure myself to learn more and to take better pictures.
I am not home during the weekdays and when I’m not working at my second job,the majority of my weekend is spent trying to take advantage of the daylight for pictures. If the recipe doesn’t turn out as planned, then I am devastated and feel like my day off from work has been wasted.
It seems so much easier to just write about my daily personal life but that causes me to ask myself, who really cares? What if I turn someone off? What if I bore them to death? And how comfortable am I putting myself out there for the world to judge? (Not like the whole world is reading my blog, but you get the idea)
Besides fearing how I’ll be received, I cannot stand pictures of myself. I often think I look too goofy or my nose looks too big. On the weekend, I usually don’t blow dry my hair or wear makeup and I look like a freaking tornado hit me.
This is an old picture (I was making homemade soft pretzels-yum!), but a good example of a sloppy, sans makeup, weekend look. My hair is more tame here than usual but I still think I look incredibly goofy (um…can we say, bobble head?) I would not typically want to show a picture like this.
Another thing about sharing pictures of myself is that I have a really bad habit of closing my eyes in them.
The most embarrassing one:
I hate this one. Not sure what happened there but I promise I was completely sober!!
See? I don’t know what it is about the count of three that makes me close my eyes but I end up looking drunk in most of my pictures. I much rather post pictures of appealing food than of me looking tanked.
From the beginning, I knew I wanted to keep up with the blog consistently and decided five posts a week would be reasonable for me. It turns out that it is reasonable, but not with the type and quality of content I want to publish.
It’s actually pretty silly that I put so much pressure on myself but I want my blog to be something I would want to come back to and keep reading myself. I guess I didn’t realize how much work it would turn out to be.
Since I have started blogging regularly, I stay up later, exercise less, and have less free time to just unwind. The added stress has recently made me feel run-down. I joke with Brandon that I should rename the blog, “Taking Thyme Away from Health”.
Needless to say, I need to figure out a balance that fits into my current lifestyle a little better. I don’t want to post about a bunch of randomness with subpar photos all over the place. At the same time, as much as I love it, I can’t find the time to photograph new recipes multiple times a week.
I haven’t decided whether to post less or just include more personal, daily life content but I do know I can’t keep pressuring myself the way I have been. Even if the quantity of my posting eventually lessens, I am hoping to gain better quality with time and to continue to make new friends and connections through this little space.
And if all else fails…hug the dog.
By the way, TGIF!!
How do you find balance in your life?
Are you afraid to share your struggles on your blog and find yourself censoring how you truly feel?